Question...

I know I'm a little late but just answer me this...If you had to decide between the following, which would you choose?...

- Chocolate or mud?

- Flowers or Grenades?

- Good health or STD's?

- Warmth and sunshine or blizzards and gloomy clouds?

- A sweet playful puppy or a possum with rabies?

- A swim in a warm, clear ocean with beautiful fish and coral or a swim in cold, scary, dark, shark infested waters?

- Eating a delicious feast or starving to death?

- A sweet, loving, complimentary spouse or a dirty, untrustworthy, abusive spouse?

- A super cute, fit body or a flabby, over weight, cottage cheesey body?

-Happiness or depression?

-Tenley or Vienna?


...the decision was a no-brainer Jake.

>paige<

A Picture of the Happy Couple

I Figured it Out!

First of all, I owe Paige some dues. Last night, when we all gasped in horror as Tenley stepped out of the helicopter, she immediately stood up, put on her coat and headed for the door saying, "Call me if he dumps Vienna, too." I should have followed her. I'm not exaggerating or joking when I say that last night's show gave me heartburn. I had to cover my mouth and choke down vomit about once every minute starting from the moment Vienna stepped through the door to meet the in-laws.

I was so frustrated and nauseated. I wanted to strangle Jake. If he wouldn't listen to the other girls, the tabloids or his family, could the producers at least have played back some of his own voice-overs for him?

HELLO! Jake, YOU're the one who says that she's immature and hard to get along with and too blunt for her own good. YOU're the one who knows that your family and a very concerned American audience won't like her. YOU're the one who cringes every time you touch her long, fried extensions or gags a little when your mouth gets a little too close to her chompers she dares to call teeth.

... whoops, that last part was supposed to be you, but the memo must have been lost somewhere between the "heat" you and your "baby" produce so much of. But seriously, Jake, besides that last part, all of those other things I listed were YOUR words. YOURS. YOURS!!!!

Whew. I need to move on.

Bon-Bon, you made me laugh out loud. I said the exact same thing when I saw the sulfur volcano. How could they kiss and be romantic when they were playing in filth? Symbolic much?

Last night was so emotional for me. We usually have a very strict no-talking-except-for-on-the-commercials rule, but I couldn't stop myself last night. I'd tell my mouth to stay shut, but it wouldn't listen. I must have shouted "raunchy" fifteen times over the whole episode, and not just when they were slathering their bodies with the poopy mud.

Can we all just rewind to last season where Jake was kicked off by Jillian using the exact same words he used for Tenley? "Too perfect". Is there really such a thing as "too perfect"? There's obviously no such thing as "gross enough" or else Vienna would have been gone a long time ago. Tenley is a doll. When they make the sequel to Enchanted, they need to cast Tenley as Amy Adams' sister. Tenley won't even have to know she's being filmed. It can be like a candid camera set-up. She'll just sing and dance and flit around. Rozlyn can be the dragon, Vienna can be the troll, Chris Harrison can be the king and Jake can be the fool.

Ok, I'm almost done. Just one more suggestion.

Last night, as I was tossing and turning in my bed, a lot of outrageous-while-still-almost-believable scenarios popped into my head. At one point I was thinking about how disappointed I was because I used to wish that Little Rex would grow up to be a man with the integrity and merit similar to the person I thought I saw in Jake. As I was cursing myself for ever wishing that upon my little brother, I couldn't help but think back on all the smart and hard choices and the sincerity that Jake had shown throughout the season. I wondered what would happen if Rexy ever brought home two girls to meet our family that were as night and day as Tenley and Vienna. And I know that the only way that Rex would ever discredit not only America and his ex-girlfriends, but also his family the way that Jake did (while still not even being convincing when he told us he was happy with his "baby"), the only way Rex would ever choose the whore was if she had some sort of awful, life-ending blackmail she was holding over him. That was the only solution I could come up with.

So there you go: Vienna is blackmailing Jake about his early days in the circus. Poor, poor man.

Oh yeah. And one final, final comment. Jake kept mentioning how completely opposite Tenley and Vienna were. If only Ali or Gia had still been there. Then he wouldn't have had to choose black or white. He could have chosen a girl somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.

I'll close with my "Knowing ABC Prediction": Jake and Vienna last three weeks. As soon as they end, Jake will show up as part of "the most dramatic season in Bachelorette history" and try to win Ali back.

Until then. Barf.

funny postscript

I was reading the Sunday paper today (yes, I'm behind in that, too!), and saw this little blurb in the "Around the Remote" section for upcoming TV highlights: "It's decision time on "The Bachelor," where maybe a rose and ring will be handed out and two reality show stars will begin a life of eternal bliss. Yeah, and maybe they'll ride off into the clouds on a unicorn." Made me giggle. Hope you are having a great day. Love, Suz

Suzanne's Introductory Email - posted by Lisa

sorry Suz - just too priceless to leave in my inbox:

Does anyone else wonder why on EARTH Jake was invited to be on DWTS instead of TENLEY?!?!?!? ... Completely against my will and all common sense, I stewed about the crazy outcome of [this] crazy show most of the night! So I have to get it off my chest to move on with life. See blog [below] .... Suz

Just a few words (as in Arrggh, Eww, Blech)

Hey girls,

Here's all I have to say -- besides the few words in my title. Jake made a conscious decision and chose Hooters over Olive Garden (insert any other "garden-variety" wholesome family fare) . . . silicone and extensions over natural (relatively speaking) . . . hot 'n spicy junkfood over healthy, flavorful organic . . . inlaws from the "Roseanne" show over Ma & Pa Ingalls . . . a "brazen hussy" over "Princess Aurora" . . . and short-lived fame (or rather infamy and notoriety) over a wholesome, happy partnership and marriage. Sadly, choices have consequences, and he's in for some doozies.

I predict future happiness for Tenley with a kind, sweet man who actually does appreciate and adore her . . . and heartburn, humiliation, and hurt for Jake . . . although there is still time for him to come to his senses (i.e., hire a private detective to check out the tabloid stories). It really was painful to watch Chris Harrison trying to make this out to be a happy ending. It was also painful to watch Alli try to rehab her image in the Women Tell All -- suddenly making nice with Vienna, etc. Oh well, I hope she finds her quirky, funny dream guy -- against all reasonable odds, considering the crazies they cast for this show.

I truly cannot fathom their choice to put him on DWTS. I think we have seen enough of him, not to mention having to watch his "baby" (interesting choice of words, wasn't it?) cheering him on. I would actually have been happy for Tenley to be chosen though, or even Gia.

Like you, Lisa, I couldn't bear to watch the whole final episode, figuring what the outcome would be. I started by watching the recording of "The Final Rose," seeing Tenley sitting there crying. Then I just fast-forwarded here and there to the end. I did browse through the final episode just to see both girls meeting the families. Please -- Jake really does deserve what he chose -- and so does the family, who "came around" to see all of Vienna's finer qualities. Except that sweet dad. He deserved Tenley for a daughter-in-law . . .

That's all I've got for now. It has been great "watching" the show with all of you.

Love,
Suz

LUST CONQUERS ALL-Kiki, Lexi, BonBon weigh in

From Kristen:
All I can say is that Tenley dodged a bullet. I hope corny Jake falls flat on his face in dancing with the stars. You can bet his mother wont come to see him perform.

I swear I saw glittered dollar sign decals pasted on Vienna's eyelids every time she blinked.

Pardon me while I finish throwing up!

From Alexis:
But Kiki,

He's never had a relationship with that much "heat"! (barf) and besides, Vienna is his "baby". (barf barf barf)I'm sorry - but his family totally saw immediately what we've all seen along with the other girls all season.

I must saw I think I'll have to watch the Bachelorette now.... I loved Ali from the beginning.

Till next season :)Lexi

From Grandma:
Thanks Alexis and Kristen --
I needed something to smile about after watching last night's show -- actually after watching the entire Bachelor season! I feel as if I have been wallowing for weeks in that volcanic mud bath Jake and Vienna found to be "so romantic" and which I find sums up my feelings about their relationship -- and about the whole slimy, sleazy Bachelor Show -- including the catty "Tell All" and the disgusting "Bachelor Reunion" orgy! Ditto barf!

I hope Jake doesn't ruin my interest in Dancing With the Stars! I am not interested in watching the Bachelorette or American Idol this year but I will want to hear your critiques! Keep me on your comments list.

I am already looking forward to the next Olympic Games to begin!

Love, Mom/BonBon

From Lisa:

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Best laughs of the season!! Let's all fly Dad out to the DWTS show and have him give Jake the Flake a friendly "poke in the snot!" And THEN, show him the door by his ear....

I'm with you guys - Ali and Tenley owe Vienna a 'thank you' note. Gia owes her mother a trip to the psyche ward and Chris Harrison is owed a raise.

And please, Mom -- how can you not want to watch Jake on DWTS? I mean, his gratuitous preview of his dancing prowess last night doesn't leave you hanging on the edge for more? (How HORRIBLE was THAT?! That cheesy song with that ancient one-hit-wonder recording artist singing two feet aware from the kissing, giggling, wretch-inducing, non-couple????!! ewwwww!!!)

I can't bear the thought of watching the show anyway - Kate Goselin? Pamela Sue Anderson? Of course, nothing could be worse than that Senator from last year or the Penn & Teller magician. I'm already getting a head ache...

Oh well - let the cringe-fest begin.

PS -- Is there ANYONE out there who is even reMOTEly interested in Jason and Molly's wedding??? I think I'm having the cuticles on my toenails trimmed that night.....

Gag Me

I give it 3 weeks.





2 months, tops.

I'm sure you're all laughing at me because I told you I wasn't going to watch the show last night. But, I want you to know that I didn't. I did what I vowed to do. Record it. Fast forward it. See him dump Tenley and go warp speed through the proposal which - even just the 3 frames I saw of it - were horrendous (although I did slow enough when I saw her tears, hoping to find out he was dumping her too but instead ended up hearing that classic line that is 'archive' worthy - "but...you're missing something" ---huh ???!!!!).

I don't know....I just don't see, I don't get it, I don't believe it, I don't care.

yuck.


After the Final Rose -- I sped through all but 2 sentences of Jake's interview before Vienna emerged, which I tuned into in hopes of hearing that he and Vienna had parted ways, only to hear that awful declaration that his never had a relationship with so much "fire" or "heat" - or something like that. I don't remember. I was too busy running for the nearest trash can.

Did anyone else feel like we were watching a couple of paid actors on that couch holding hands and talking about moving in together? Did anyone else feel as uncomfortable as Chris Harrison looked as he tried to wish them well and express his happiness for them? I haven't seen anything that awkward since last week when Rozlyn accused him of coming on to the ex-producer's wife. whatever....

I WILL concede one thing - Vienna's new extensions looked alot better. I'm guessing she's already tapped into Jake's uncontrollable twitterpation (translation: $$) and with the help of the production staff who, now that they have to make her look credible instead of keeping her 'low-rent' look each episode, managed to make her appear somewhat more attractive.

I'm being harsh. I actually found myself not caring at all what happened. Maybe that's because once Gia was gone, we all knew what would happen anyway. The disappointment has worn off already. In truth, thanks to the "coming up" clips from 2 weeks ago and the overload at the tabloid stands, we were basically watching a re-run. Right? Was there one unanticipated moment in the entire 3 hours? Thank HEAVENS for the FF button - my entire investment last night was a mere 23 minutes.

Alright -- Who wants to watch Ali now? I vote we all just watch the Tell All and see the entire season and the finale spoiler in one fell swoop!

Word to the Wise for her future Bachelors -- whatever you do, don't let your dad cry when he meets the Bachelorette (deal breaker!), be as unlikeable and controversial as possible (deal maker!), and make sure that your bosses know to threaten you with unemployment on week 6 (deal taker - you're invited back either way). But, being the last pick for Dancing With The Stars is only offered if you make the tabloids a minimum of 3 times in one week so stir things up. In other words - make yourself a cash cow for ABC. You never know WHAT they've got waiting for you around the next corner!

BALONEY!

A few words from Mom via email:

There is no way to make sense of this Bachelor drama. The week Ali went home I could only think one word: "Phony!" After last week, again only one word came to mind: "Argh!" I'm glad we have you to keep us interested! I would love to hear from the rest of you, too.

(I still can't figure out how to post on the blog. If you want to contribute my two words you may, Lisa. Exilda would enjoy knowing you were using her name for your password! I love it!)

Meanwhile, the Olympics have my attention! I am in awe of those amazing athletes -- the men and the women! Amazing!

Love to all, Bon Bon

Dad's Gonna Kill Me

Okay - so I HAVE to, simply HAVE to, relay some thoughts from Dad. Yes, Dad. Rex D. P. I'm sure he is like most of the other guys we know who watch it only because the girls in their lives do and they are giving us due reciprocity for all the football games we've knitted and cooked and worked puzzles through. I love that he knows what all the fuss is about (along with Derek and Joel and probably Zane and half the boys Paige and Brooke know, etc.).


That said, in our conversation, he laughed at the blogs posted so far and even though he's not a blogger himself, he enjoyed reading our running commentary. At which point I reminded him that the invitation to our blog is open to the men-folk as well. As near as I can quote he said the following:

• (laughing at the thought) I'm not sure I should put what I'm thinking. I'd like to poke that guy in the snout!
  
• He said the same thing to every girl on their home town dates like telling them he was falling in love with them and asked every girls' dad if he could marry them, giving them each the indication that he wanted to. [exactly - he didn't need to do that, there's all that time they have to kill on the day of the final rose. A phone call to "papa" could be fit in there some where, right?]
  
• They eliminate the girl who was involved with people on the staff but they keep a girl like Vienna around who they must have known was involved in all kinds of shady behavior before she got there [which I must say was a very valid point I'd not thought of before - just because half these girls weren't messing around on set for the week or two they were there means they're more "worthy" to hang around and get two-timed on than two-timing Rozlyn? Interesting observation...]
  
• After reading about who some of these girls are in every day life made his stomach turn and makes him disappointed in the workings of the show all around. Why would they know these things and not reveal them to the Bachelor - drama value aside? Let the guy at least make an informed choice. If Jake has been choosing Vienna after knowing what she did to her husband while he was in Iraq,etc., then I guess he gets what he gets. In Dad's words, "Then I could pick the guy up by his ear and...."

Big smiles in my face from all of this - hopefully yours too! See Dad? You're a blogger after all!

?????!!!!!!

Okay - by your silence I am guessing that you're just as stupified and speechless as I am. I didn't post anything LAST week (when Ali walked out) because I didn't have 5 hours to spout my diatribe on everything from tarot cards and crying Grandma ghosts to perky post-divorce tears and Ed+Jillian revisited. I mean, Lexi is right -- couldn't they at least have changed the hotel room couch to the other wall or perhaps the answering-the-door-after-thumbing-through-the-hotel-magazine-waiting-for-lights-camera-action-peekaboo camera angle? Please..... At least they had that intensely dramatic and I'm sure completely unplanned sobbing collapse to the ground in the hallway by Ali after she headed for her room on pace number 8, carpet medallion number 4, and hold-2-3-4, tears-2-3-4, flop head, face into the hands, whimper, sob, cut, print!



(This is where you would see my rolled eyes get permanently stuck back in their sockets).



Whatever else you can say about Ali, at least she knows how to look chic-ly haggard. I don't know about you, but what a mistake it would have been to show up at the rose ceremony looking beautiful. The just-ran-3-miles pony-tail and grey-and-pink floral junior-high strappy summer frock combo with matching tan character shoes was far better a choice for your grand exit than, say, a stunning red cap-sleeved, knee-lengthed classic wrap-around dress with matching spike heels and lips that Gia rocked. Makes saying, "Good-bye, you fool" so much easier!!



Argh.



Of course, why didn't I enjoy that episode while I could? This week's show gave me such high-voltage nausea that I am still trying to recover. How can this guy who has the wisdom and class to say, Sorry Ali but you made your choice, be so brainless and clueless as to keep the likes of Queen of the Bayou Bilge Vienna???!!!!! It's impossible! How much are they paying him? Those girls are right -- if Vienna is what he's wanted all along, it's an insult to keep getting roses (go figure THAT one out!) When is Ali going to pull a "Jake" and fly into the Bahamas to give her "there's nothing in it for me but I care so much about you I just have to warn you about Wes" speech before she hangs her head on the railing and weeps? Oh wait -- that's still HIS job. Every episode. Forever....



Blegh.



So - okay. I'm done. Everyone thinks I'm kidding but I'm not. I'm going to record the Tell All on Monday and fast forward to the parts that give the update on Wes and the partying, past-participant losers who will be single until they're 40, if not forever. And then, I'm going to record the Final Rose Episode, wait til it's all over, fast forward to the last frame and Laugh. My. Head OFF!!!



Enough.



My fantasy ending: Ali flies in to show Jake Vienna's white-trash suspenders-only photo in her copy of the locals homemade Hooters calendar. Jake brings in Vienna to confront her with it, Ali glaring and pouting and shooting daggers with her eyes while she pushes her 5 strands of hair back into her pony-tail that she hasn't taken out since leaving the show in memorium of lost love. Jake scolds Vienna, cries tears of disappointment (at the railing outside his room of course), and then dutifully eliminates Tenley on the grounds that, morals aside, there's just no chemistry. Jake thanks Ali for being so noble, sends her to hair and make-up for a touch up before surprising her with a helicopter ride to the local Creole Voodoo Chaman who is waiting to channel a cry-in with Ali's grandma as a thank-you gesture for her self-sacrificing trip to the Caribbean paid for by ABC.

Then Jake, making sure his pooka-shell necklace is visible over his tuxedo collar and tie, proposes to Vienna (who is sobbing because her contacts have sand in them), slaps her on the rear-end with her rose, and in an attempt at SOME kind of variety, takes her back into the hotel where there is a black-and-red velvet reception being hosted in their honor by her dad (who confirms it's his daughter who won by doing a braille read of her face even WITH his high-powered specs on) and the entire Hooters staff back home. As Jake is packing for their return to the States, Vienna steals his wallet, calls Wes, schedules her total facial reconstruction, pre-pays it in full over the phone on Jake's credit card, and takes off in the limo alone with her nasty, drug-store-bottle-blond extensions flapping in the wind to the sounds of a new country song playing in the background that starts out with what sounds like the words, "Love -it don't come easy...."



During the After the Final Rose show, while Jake is repeating to Chris Harrison for the ump-teenth time that he "did what was best for him", a bridal-veil-wearing Michelle bursts in mid-sentence with an ovulation predictor kit and a preacher and, when Jake escapes to the nearest railing, Michelle is announced as the next Bachelorette.



Fade to black.



I don't know why ABC won't hire me.



Happy watching girls. And WRITE BACK!! I have to know I'm not the only whacko out here!

deja vu?

Is this a re-run of the Bachelorette??
Ali must think that if she pulls the "I'm gonna get fired" card and leaves that Jake will pick her when she decided to make a dramatic return ... just like Jillian picked Ed.

HEY MEN-FOLK!

Just one more quick comment -- after reading some of the men's views in some of your posts, I highly encourage our Pinegar men to post blogs of their own! I LOVE hearing the male perspective and comparing it to ours, particularly their predictions vs. the women's. If you can get any of your men-folk to blog about, feel free! That is, if they even want to admit to watching it. Hey - we're all family and you're just doing your spousal, supportive duty, right? Jump in, guys! We'd love it!

Quick response

A comment to ALL comments:

HAHAHAhahahahahaaa......

Honestly - my dose of morning laughter! You're all hilarious - too many gems to mention but I can't get enough. I love it all -- why didn't we do this before? Thanks for the smiles everyone.

I'm pathetic - I admit it. When it's Friday I'm so happy because it means I'm so much closer to Monday! what does that say about my warped mentality? Oh well, we can all be 'warped' together! And we're only just getting started. American Idol is starting to heat up now and with so many touching human interest stories this season, I'm going to be on the phone all night trying to vote in every cancer-surviving, hick-ville dwelling, gospel-singing, ghetto-fighting, partially-paralyzed, Turret's Syndrome victim, ex-con every known to man!! Gracious - I need to get a life. And waaay more projects to do while sitting in front of a tv! Ah well....bring it on. At least I'm home when the kids get home (and leave and come back again). I think we should pitch a new "Big Idea" to Donny Deutsch - "Reality TV Rehab." Anybody in? : o )

FROM BON-BON:

(note from Lisa: sorry Mom, but I'm officially using that as your universal name from now on - it covers all the bases including Mom, grandma, mother-in-law, great-grandma, etc. Hope you don't care cuz we love it! This is mom's email from this weekend.)

Thanks Lisa!

I loved reading your Bachelor Blog -- every word! And I enjoyed reading Brooke's analysis of this intriguing show, too. (You share the same talent for writing -- and analyzing.) I have been checking every day since the Roslyn scandal to see what you were all thinking. I began to think the GRANDMA of the family is the only one watching this drama. I have to give the producers credit -- I am one viewer who is hooked and can't wait to see what happens next! I was really liking Corrie. I think she looked really good with him, I liked the way she dressed, thought she was fun, nice, and she won me over when she told Jake she thought saving oneself for marriage is a "gift one takes to the marriage." I was so disappointed that she went home. Now I'm wondering if they are all going home! Who was at his door? How is this going to end!

Lisa, thanks for your instructions for posting something on the Blog. I tried each step but couldn't find a place to type a message. Brooke is coming here tomorrow and she will show me how. I will post my comments if the rest of you will. I love hearing what you all think more than I love the show!

ditto, woof

This will be short because sisters must think alike. I wholeheartedly agree with the previous post. (turtlenecks? woof) Ana and I skype and have our Bachelor convo's in person so we can make funny facial expressions (imitate Gia's lips).
I just have to laugh because I never really liked Gia (until the last few episodes) but Zane seriously watched one episode and was sure Gia was "the one", Funny how guys can read other guys, oh and not to mention her occupation reads "swimsuit model"!! He thought Ali was catty and Vienna was hideous and Tenly was cheesy/too perky. Poor Cori - but did they ever even have a moment? No.

Woof.

After several midterms (four in one week...really, BYU?), I was finally able to watch the Bach when everybody else in the world was watching the Super Bowl. Anyways, I am furious at Jake. I'm totally with Grandma, Corrie seems like the only real girl and even though I was so uncomfortable when she was trying to get him to kiss her in the boat, I was really starting to like her. I think she's right, I think if they had been just dating each other, things could have worked really well between them. Whatever, she's better than Jake. Good for her for saving it for marriage. I wish she hadn't tried to make it less of a big deal before the rose ceremony. She's got nothing to be ashamed of.

Even though I liked Corrie, I'm TOTALLY team Gia, and have been for awhile now. I was a little distracted by her insane lips at first, but I really like her. She's the only one who still treats Vienna like a human being, even though she doesn't really like her. I don't know, I think it's endearing how self-conscious Gia is. I think Tenley will probably end up winning and Ali will be the next bachelorette, but I still like Gia best.

My favorite moments were:

• Vienna fake crying and caring a lantern (!?!) around that castle.
• Vienna saying "What if I went down to see him?" and Gia saying, "That would be weird."
• Jake saying he definitely had dirty thoughts when Vienna came into his room at the castle, and then when they showed his face when she walked in he looked totally disgusted.
• Jake's cheesey, empty statements like, "I could definitely be falling for this girl" and "I'm ready to just let myself go and fall into love." Barf.
• Jake's turtleneck on his date with Tenley.
• When Ali was like, "Feel my pulse, it just went through the roof." So rude. Vienna was sitting right there. Ali's a brat.
• When Vienna said she wanted marriage to be like teenage puppy love and then she made that crazy noise and grabbed his face and kissed him. Yikes.

Vienna has to be a producer's choice. Jake never seems happy to be with her; he always looks really uncomfortable. Even when he took her down to that balcony, he didn't seem that into it. I don't know. I don't buy it that Jake has been holding back with her just so he won't push other girls away. And I don't like to get down on anyone about what they look like, but she's got to do something about her hair and make up. She just always looks thrashed. Oh well, Aunt Lisa is right, it would be a boring season without her.

I'm excited for hometown dates. They're always good for a laugh (remember Molly's parents on Jason's season? I swear they made up that hat thing just to look like they had some quirky tradition. Lame.) I'm excited for the drama. I don't know who's at the door, but they pull this every season. Last season like, six guys came back. And Deeana came back to talk to Jason, so I just don't know. I don't feel like Jake made a strong enough bond with any of the girl's he's cut to justify any of them coming back. Unless it's Rozlyn and she explains herself.

Well, that's all I have. I'm excited for tomorrow's episode. Love to hear what the rest of you think!

Lisa's long take

Well, I'm finally weighing in and I'm not sure how much time I'll take, but with so many episodes under our belts, this may take a while. Or maybe not. As in many years past, the cream rose to the top fairly early and none of us has been too far off in our predictions and prejudices. Our "like minds" entertain me. Is there another family on the planet that can have such "heated agreements" on anything or anyone? Loved ALL the posts. Do more!!

So here goes - I love Jake. I'm with Ana - I like Jake the Bachelor sooo much more than Jake the Contestant, Jake the Snitch, Jake the "Perfect" loser. After the Bachelorette, I didn't think I could watch a whole season of him. But, he won me over pretty quickly with his list of priorities - God, family, and friends - was it?, "in that order". He's getting even better and better each week. Getting rid of so many so fast and even doing it with a tear in his eye? The guy's good. To top it all off - he finally did reveal a flaw! Jillian - where are you? He keeps "rose-ing" VIENNA!!! I just have one question - which producer is she related to? The only thing that could make her any worse is if she wore a tiara all the time (I could swear those girls are twins).

Anyway, given the rather boring personalities of the remaining girls, if Vienna weren't there, it would be a snooze-fest. Even Ali doesn't have much to say unless it's about Ms. V. Perhaps in a coming "tell all" Jake will reveal his "very specific reasons" for keeping her and "wanting" her to stay. I can think of a few things that would make ME want to keep her and they all have a $ sign in front of them.

Okay - forget her. I am coming out in full favor of Gia. She is my favorite and has been since that one bimbo was eliminated for cheating with staffers. Her first one-on-one sealed the deal - nerd in high school, kids BEFORE 30, adopting Chinese girls and owning a pig, and being willing to leave NYC for Texas? The fact that she almost always has sleeves in her loose-fitting clothes (albeit her dresses get pretty short sometimes) and she doesn't get pulled into the gossip and drama of Ali and Vienna makes her a class act to me. I really liked Ali until she turned catty over Vienna. I loved Tenley for the first couple of weeks when she was first getting acquainted but I keep waiting for her to lower her voice an octave and get out of the perky, 'Nice to meet you' phase. Corey was okay - but slow to move and announcing you're a virgin on this show is like announcing you have leprosy in an emergency room. Or like using the "friend" word the night of a rose ceremony. I mean, Jake having "absolute respect" for that whole thing means essentially, "...and good luck with that." Ashleigh was beyond embarrassing. Ella was too old and, frankly, a little too classy. Valishia - one I was hoping he'd give some more time to - was too mature. My early favorite, Sheila, was too darn pretty, I guess, knew how to dress and wear make-up, didn't drape her legs on his lap or rub his back pockets, and wasn't related to any in the production staff, apparently.

So -- okay, my FAVORITE part of the whole episode this week was the castle.

Favorite moment -- when Vienna declared that she was going to pretend Gia wasn't there and proceeded to "captivate" Jake with such stimulating and seductive conversation about herself and her insecurities that he leaned into Gia while giving Vienna his undivided attention and when Vienna finally took a breath, said, "I'm going to steal Gia for a few minutes if that's okay" and didn't wait for an answer. Followed by Gia immediately making his sentence a compound one by stating that Vienna could have the rest of her salmon. Did it even take those 2 more than 3 seconds to be on their feet and out of there?

Second best moment - hugging both girls before bed and, right in front of Vienna, clinging to Gia and whispering what a great time he'd had.

Corniest moment - "it's okay to fall."

Worst moment -- Vienna pretending to be spooked in her rehearsed foray through a candle-lit cellar and calling out to "Jake - honey." (Good thing there was a commercial break - my wretching took a few moments to get under control).

Second best worst moment -- her pathetic and excruciatingly embarrassing attempt at bedtime seduction.

Most puzzling moment - giving a rose to Vienna ANYWAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!.
I'm with Brooke - I'm exhausted trying to like Jake when I'm so mad at him so often.

Lastly -- I hate "Next week on the Bachelor." Why did I watch it? I rarely do. But, now I'm going to stew all week over what I think they tried to make me think. And if I'm wrong I'll be so mad at them and if I'm right --- I'll be so mad at them!!

Predictions? (spoiler alert if you want to avoid speculation) Gia decides to leave. Vienna is the default over-night date Jake thought he wouldn't have to have because part of why he was keeping her is so he'd have an easy elimination at this point. Tenley will be the too-perfect remaining final choice and Ali will be the next Bachelorette, which I think she's well suited for. More than for Jake's wife. We'll see if I'm right -- although they may bring someone back like they always seem to do now and it might be fair if a girl leaves early. Whatever. He may surprise us all and call Michelle when this is all over!!!

That's it for now. Everybody weigh in - I love your takes on things. Until next Monday...Lisa

Seriously?

I keep falling more and more in love with Jake as the season progresses.

Yet, the longer he keeps Vienna around, I'm falling less and less in love with him.

It's very tiring.

Gone Too Soon/Here Too Long

I'm a little put out. I finally learned Jessie's name, and what does Jake do? He kicks her to the curb. AND, to top it all off, he keeps She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. UGH!

I'm torn in my conviction of thinking that the producers are making him keep her. I mean, he's been so forceful with getting rid of girls already that it's hard to think that they'd put their foot down on one girl, BUT you can just tell that he is not into her AT ALL anymore. Though I do have an additional theory: did anyone notice the way he said bye to Jessie? He thanked her for her advice and looked her deep in the eyes and said that he had heard every word she had said. THEN, at the toast at the end of the night with the five remaining girls, he thanked them for being patient with him and trusting him. Do you think that he's maybe keeping... Vienna... around for some other purpose? Like to see how the other girls react? Or to reveal her as a witch and then burn her at the stake? I don't know. He doesn't seem like a manipulative person. But I really can't believe that he wants to keep her around. He just can't. I mean, he told her he thinks she eggs things on for herself and he hardly touches her. Ugh.

Ok. Next item of business: I think I like Gia more than Ali now. Actually, I don't think; I do. I'm sad that Ali has been so catty lately. I know every person has their angry side, but hers is getting embarrassing. And contrast that with Gia, who actually tries to be nice to Viennamort, even though she doesn't want to. While most really girly-girls nauseate me, she is so sweet and genuine, that I actually like her. Their date was so heart-warming. She was so honest and natural. I laughed so hard when she wanted to hide in the vineyard, like there would actually be a place to hide. I thought it was so cute when they played spin the bottle. And you know I almost cried when she said she wanted to adopt a Chinese girl. I especially loved how they were both losers in High School and now they're these gorgeous people who don't really know how hot they are. It's great. I hope she makes top two.

That being said, I still think that Jake and Tenley are the best fit. I think Gia is great, but I don't know if they'd work out long-term. Jake and Tenley though; they are PERFECT for each other, aren't they? They are both genuinely sweet people who find the good in things and who say some things that are a little awkward/cheesy, but they don't mean them to be. I can totally see them being married and with kids within a couple years. I love Tenley.

I also really love Jake this season. I think he's my favorite bachelor they've ever had, which is a total surprise for me. He's so unashamed about his faith in God which is completely admirable. He's straightforward and doesn't want to play games. He's for sure there to find a wife, not to mess around. And he's so good-looking. Plus, because he gets a lot more camera time, he doesn't come off as a weak, cry-baby. He comes off as a man. And I love men.

I'd also like to reiterate how much I love Chris Harrison. I want to buy a dog and name it after him.

He's just so loyal and likable. Plus, he's good on his toes. Was anyone else impressed with his impromptu speech about Jake taking away one of the roses?

I can't wait till next week. And I really hope that we do a season finale get together. I love you guys!

Suz weighs in ...

Well, I never did post my thoughts about last week, but they were more on the philosophical side -- a commentary about the stereotypes that drive me crazy because they are all too true (i.e., the ditzy, artificial girls too often get the guy) -- as illustrated by the story of my life as a BYU co-ed. But that is perhaps more appropriate for another time. Let's just get down to business.

After the first two episodes, I had my concerns that Jake was one of those silly boys who could not see right through the afore-mentioned type of girl, and there wasn't one girl left whom I could whole-heartedly root for. Having said that, I liked Alli and Tenley the best. I agreed with Alli and Ashleigh though -- "if Jake likes Vienna, he may not be my type!" (I LOVED Jakes and Alli's date, too. And Brooke -- you love Elvis AND Chicago? No wonder I love you so much!) You just wish Jake could see those crazy little bio clips as well as the mean-girl talk at the house. What real man would be attracted to a woman who loves to dress up her little mini-dog and have a snack together at a sidewalk cafe?!?! Or to a woman who actually asks, with a gaggy smirk, "have you registered these guns?" Honestly, would he have kept some of these crazy women on without being under some duress? (Michelle?!?) Brooke, I love your reference to Rachel Lynde, regarding Rozlyn -- could he REALLY not see that coming?!?

Yes, we are being manipulated by the producers, but the worst manipulation of all is of Jake -- which is so sad. I really think he's quite sincere in his search for true love. It is sickening to me that the producers would give him such slim pickens as far as just normal, smart, nice, good girls. I wonder if he has any say in the selection process of the "contestants." I must say that this last episode gave me a little more hope in Jake's judgment & taste. Michelle was rightfully kicked to the curb. Her gross "comedy" routine was reason enough, but on top of her complete desperation and instability, her departure was way overdue. And I agree with Lexi, and Jake, that Elizabeth was a total gameplayer. I really think he saw the real Elizabeth in her raunchy comedy act. Lastly, I am wondering why that Jessie and Corrie are still there. He hasn't made any attempt to talk to them alone. I never thought either of them would make it past the first episode. And yes, I felt really sorry for Valishia. He never did talk to her either, and they never elaborated on her situation as "homemaker."

I better stop for now. Both girls are asleep, and I actually want to watch the news tonight! Right on, Massachusetts!!! Hope the rest of you weigh in soon .... Love, Suz

more drama

OK, just finished watching Monday's episode and I HAD to spit out my thoughts.

* First off - GOOD RIDDANCE MICHELLE! Phew, glad she sent her self home, she was asking for it!
* Vienna's just young and immature, poor thing.
* I still like Alli.
* I was surprised he sent Elizabeth home - but I'm kinda glad. The whole "don't kiss me" thing was TOTALLY a game and I'm glad Jake saw through that.
* I still can't get myself to really like Ella but Jake scored major points by bringing her son along for the date (I actually teared up when he ran up to her at Sea World - just thinking about how hard it must be for her to be away from her son.)
* I was thinking he'd send Jessie home since she hasn't had any airtime really. I feel like I don't "know" her
* Anyone else feel really bad for Valisha when she left, saying "I'm used to everything not going my way" - I don't think she ever got to talk to him.
* Girls are mean - I could NEVER go through something like this!!
* I'm excited to see what drama next weeks episode brings....

Poor Chris Harrison.

I looked at my notes about last week's episode and I think there are really only two things to say:

First~ Ali and Jake are MFEO (made for each other). I know I'm allowing myself to be manipulated by the show and the way they put everything together, and the grandiose elements of their date, but I don't care. I loved it. I cried. I held Paige's hand through the whole thing (which was a little awkward because we had a guy friend sitting in between us). The personal concert by Chicago

(my favorite band OAL (of all time)) sealed the deal for me. It was a sign. I felt like we should just end the show there and let them get engaged.

Second~ As Rachel Lynde would say:

Rozlyn is a brazen hussy.

That is all.

So much drama

I must admit I was surprised at home much drama they had on only the second episode. I agree with all that has been said in emails by Suzanne and Kiki. Rozlyn was ridiculous...I cannot honestly believe that Jake really thought she was a completely good person who was just there for him. And the setting of their little love-fest was so trashy to me. That chain-link fence was so ghetto. Ali is still my favorite but I think that Tenley is so sweet and I really want her to go on a single date. SOOO glad to see Christina go. I was not into her at all.

Apparently Jake forgot how to button his shirt when he was only two buttons up, so he barely made it past his belly button. Seriously, so wrong. My favorite person on the show right now might be Chris Harrison. He was believably upset when he had to confront Rozlyn about her little misdeeds, and my respect for him grew a little bit. (As much as my respect can grow for someone who hosts a reality TV show).

Next week's episode looks intense. Michelle is crazy. I'm actually scared of what she might do when she gets kicked off. I wish Tenley had just let her leave when she was having her temper tantrum.

two cents

Wow, ok - finally watched the premiere... thank goodness for Hulu.com since our cable isn't set up yet.

I like Jake but kinda get annoyed that he's soooo "perfect". I think he can be awkward at times cause he's too sweet. Anyway, here's my two cents:

* I really like Ali - I think she's being herself and they seem compatible
* I was super sad that Elizabeth (the pilot) was eliminated, she seemed sweet and sincere
* After Ali, I really like Tenly then Kathryn (the flight attendant) I'm excited to see them get to know each other more
* Don't like Gia, or Vienna
* from the previews, it looks like Michelle sticks around awhile.... WHY?!
* drama, drama, drama, why do we like it so much!?
The Bachelor is way more fun to watch than the Bachelorette!

P.S. I think Jillian and Ed are PERFECT together... so cute :)

First Impressions

Ok, so I already shared most of my thoughts over email, but I've finally finished the first episode and I will sum up my thoughts as best I can. First and foremost, I must clear this up: Channy was disgusting and I couldn't believe how inappropriate she was. But I think she could have blessed us with some really ridiculous, unintelligent comments that we could have laughed about for several minutes. But I was not sorry to see her go.

My other thoughts:

• I agree with Aunt Lisa, Michelle is one of those girls chosen by the producers to add a little drama (which, from the previews for the season, it doesn't look like they need).
• Ali is my favorite right now.
• Tenley is a runner up. I think she's cute and very sincere.
• Elizabeth (football) needs to cover herself up.
• I do not like the tomboy-airplane girl. She's always talking about how she's going to "win," and she seems more concerned about that than actually falling in love.
• I think I would have rather seen nine of the ten girls that got cut stay in place of Vienna. She grosses me out.
• I like Jake the Bachelor better than Jake the Contestant.
• I was pretty over Jillian by the end of The Bachelorette, but now I kind of miss her.

The Kissing Booth Method

Ok. So, mom asked me to share the method that my roommates and I used for ratings on the first episode. (Our ward makes us name our houses and ours is named The Kissing Booth, hence "The Kissing Booth Method".)

1. First we wrote down the girls' names as they came out of the limo. We wrote something that would help us remember a little bit about them like what they were wearing or something they said. Then as they walked into the mansion we gave them a first impression rating (out of 5) based on how much we liked them and put stars next to the girls we thought Jake would like.
2. Once they were inside and he had one-on-one time with them, we added any extra notes we wanted. If we changed our opinion of a girl we would put either a plus or a minus next to her name.
3. During the commercial before the Rose Ceremony, we guessed who we thought he would pick and who we thought the show would make him keep.
4. After the show we went through and picked who we thought would make it to the top spots and who would only make it a couple weeks. We also gave them another rating since we knew them a little bit better.

I'm sure next week our formatting will change a little bit since we'll be able to recognize the girls.

And YES, we do realize that we're crazy/obsessed. It's embarrassing. But not embarrassing enough that I'm going to stop.

Ok, so now that you understand our method, here was our opinion on the girls:

Rozlyn

1. "It's gonna be a bumpy ride," looks like Hilary Duff, Rating: 3
2. "I'm used to getting guys for my looks." (-)
3. He'll probably keep her, won't be sad if he doesn't though
4. She'll last about three more weeks. Rating: 2.5

Emily

1. Busty, fitness model, green dress, he said she has pretty eyes, Rating:4
2. No notes
3. Hope he keeps her
4. Eliminated

*Ali

1. Peacock feather, yellow dress, sore throat, Rating: 4
2. Afraid of flying, ripped her dress, first one-on-one time, (+)
3. He'll for sure keep her
4. She'll make it to at least the Top 3. AT LEAST. Rating:5

Jessie

1. Pretty dress, "Are you registered for these guns?" Rating:2
2. No notes
3. She's iffy
4. Didn't really get to know her well enough to predict. Rating:2

**Tenley

1. Blue dress, very sweet, Rating: 3.5
2. Virgin till marriage, divorced, "10 things about Tenley", FIRST KISS, First Impression Rose, (+)
3. He already kept her
4. Top 3 at least. Though since she's an early favorite, she could sputter out quickly. Rating:5

*Ella

1. Tried to trick him with the nose trick, he pretended to fall for it, awkward, Rating:2
2. She's a mom, gave him her kid's plane, (+)
3. He'll keep her
4. She'll make it to about the Top 8, Rating:3

*Kathryn

1. Cute purple dress, "breath of fresh air", Rating:3.5
2. Flight attendant, wears fake engagement ring, (+)
3. He better keep her
4. She'll make the Top 8 hopefully, Rating:4

Caitlyn

1. Sparkly blue dress, "can't wait to see you in uniform", Rating:2
2. No notes
3. She's gone
4. Eliminated

Elizabeth

1. National Guard, double-sided quarter, Rating:4.5
2. No notes, but we love her
3. He'll keep her
4. Eliminated!

Alexa

1. Gloves, biker, called him "babe", Rating:1
2. No notes, but she's gross
3. Hopefully she leaves, though he might keep her to make it look like he isn't prejudiced towards tomboys.
4. Eliminated

*Vienna

1. Felt his abs, Rating:1.5
2. (-)
3. She's iffy
4. She's filler. Just there in the background. Two weeks and she's gone, Rating:1

*Corrie

1. "Kissimmee", Rating:4
2. Looks pretty at some angles, other angles she looks sort of like a horse, wardrobe consultant
3. He'll keep her
4. She could turn out to be cool or she could be easily forgotten, Rating:3.5

Kimberly

1. NBA dancer, Rating:2
2. No notes
3. She's gone
4. Eliminated

Valishia

1. Red dress, from Texas, brought soil for "common ground", Rating:2.5
2. (+)
3. He'll keep her
4. Won't make it past three weeks, Rating:3.5

Gia

1. Swimsuit model, from Manhattan, girly-girl, he likes her hair, Rating:1
2. No notes
3. She's gone
4. She hopefully won't make it past next week, Rating:1

*Elizabeth

1. Wrong choice on the top part of her dress for her body, "Imagine favorite place" he was sweet and said, "right here", she said snowboarding... Rating:3
2. Threw a football with him, (+)
3. He'll keep her for sure
4. She'll stay till about the top 4, Rating:4

Channy

1. Cambodian, Rating:3
2. CRUDE! (-)!
3. She better leave. Jake for sure wants her gone, but the show might make him keep her
4. Eliminated! Good riddance!

*Ashley

1. Fuchsia dress, Picker Machine, Split rating- Brooke:3.5, Others:3
2. Stewardess outfit, teacher, Split again- Brooke (+), Others: (-)
3. He'll keep her
4. Split again-Brooke thinks she'll make Top 8 and bumped her up to a 4, Others don't think she'll last that long and took her down to a 2.5

Tiana

1. "That's my future husband, he just doesn't know it yet", Rating:3
2. No notes
3. She's gone
4. Eliminated

*Christina

1. "Guys girl", brought parting gifts for other girls, Rating:2
2. She had him get on the ground to give her a superman? How embarrassing! (-)
3. He'll keep her for filler, but he shouldn't
4. She's an idiot, 3 weeks tops, Rating:1.5

Ashleigh

1. Fake fall into his arms, bimbo, really high slit on dress, Rating:2
2. (-)
3. She's iffy
4. She's more filler, won't make it past Top Ten, Rating:1

Kirsten

1. Looks like a man, Rating:1
2. No notes
3. She's gone
4. Eliminated

*Stephanie

1. Wants to get the first dance, Rating:3
2. (+)
3. She'll stay
4. Eliminated

Sheila

1. "Pair of Aviators", pilot, Rating:3
2. No notes
3. Hope he keeps her
4. Eliminated

Michelle

1. Awkward plane arms, seems fun though, stumbled on words at the end, Rating:3
2. She's nuts! Flashback to Shannon from Jason's season, (-)
3. They're going to make him keep her because she's crazy
4. Ugh. He'll have to keep her till about the Top 8, Rating: .5

PHEW! Wow. That took forever. Luckily, there won't be any more posts this long anymore. I promise I'm almost done. I just have to say one more thing: I love this man

and if he and Jillian ever break up, I'm going on the season that they make for him.

There. Done. Now it's everyone else's turn to post something. It doesn't have to be as dramatic as mine, I just want something from everybody. I can't wait to hear your opinions!