Gag Me

I give it 3 weeks.





2 months, tops.

I'm sure you're all laughing at me because I told you I wasn't going to watch the show last night. But, I want you to know that I didn't. I did what I vowed to do. Record it. Fast forward it. See him dump Tenley and go warp speed through the proposal which - even just the 3 frames I saw of it - were horrendous (although I did slow enough when I saw her tears, hoping to find out he was dumping her too but instead ended up hearing that classic line that is 'archive' worthy - "but...you're missing something" ---huh ???!!!!).

I don't know....I just don't see, I don't get it, I don't believe it, I don't care.

yuck.


After the Final Rose -- I sped through all but 2 sentences of Jake's interview before Vienna emerged, which I tuned into in hopes of hearing that he and Vienna had parted ways, only to hear that awful declaration that his never had a relationship with so much "fire" or "heat" - or something like that. I don't remember. I was too busy running for the nearest trash can.

Did anyone else feel like we were watching a couple of paid actors on that couch holding hands and talking about moving in together? Did anyone else feel as uncomfortable as Chris Harrison looked as he tried to wish them well and express his happiness for them? I haven't seen anything that awkward since last week when Rozlyn accused him of coming on to the ex-producer's wife. whatever....

I WILL concede one thing - Vienna's new extensions looked alot better. I'm guessing she's already tapped into Jake's uncontrollable twitterpation (translation: $$) and with the help of the production staff who, now that they have to make her look credible instead of keeping her 'low-rent' look each episode, managed to make her appear somewhat more attractive.

I'm being harsh. I actually found myself not caring at all what happened. Maybe that's because once Gia was gone, we all knew what would happen anyway. The disappointment has worn off already. In truth, thanks to the "coming up" clips from 2 weeks ago and the overload at the tabloid stands, we were basically watching a re-run. Right? Was there one unanticipated moment in the entire 3 hours? Thank HEAVENS for the FF button - my entire investment last night was a mere 23 minutes.

Alright -- Who wants to watch Ali now? I vote we all just watch the Tell All and see the entire season and the finale spoiler in one fell swoop!

Word to the Wise for her future Bachelors -- whatever you do, don't let your dad cry when he meets the Bachelorette (deal breaker!), be as unlikeable and controversial as possible (deal maker!), and make sure that your bosses know to threaten you with unemployment on week 6 (deal taker - you're invited back either way). But, being the last pick for Dancing With The Stars is only offered if you make the tabloids a minimum of 3 times in one week so stir things up. In other words - make yourself a cash cow for ABC. You never know WHAT they've got waiting for you around the next corner!