Blog Archive
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Question...
- Chocolate or mud?
- Flowers or Grenades?
- Good health or STD's?
- Warmth and sunshine or blizzards and gloomy clouds?
- A sweet playful puppy or a possum with rabies?
- A swim in a warm, clear ocean with beautiful fish and coral or a swim in cold, scary, dark, shark infested waters?
- Eating a delicious feast or starving to death?
- A sweet, loving, complimentary spouse or a dirty, untrustworthy, abusive spouse?
- A super cute, fit body or a flabby, over weight, cottage cheesey body?
-Happiness or depression?
-Tenley or Vienna?
...the decision was a no-brainer Jake.
>paige<
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I Figured it Out!
funny postscript
Suzanne's Introductory Email - posted by Lisa
Does anyone else wonder why on EARTH Jake was invited to be on DWTS instead of TENLEY?!?!?!? ... Completely against my will and all common sense, I stewed about the crazy outcome of [this] crazy show most of the night! So I have to get it off my chest to move on with life. See blog [below] .... Suz
Just a few words (as in Arrggh, Eww, Blech)
Here's all I have to say -- besides the few words in my title. Jake made a conscious decision and chose Hooters over Olive Garden (insert any other "garden-variety" wholesome family fare) . . . silicone and extensions over natural (relatively speaking) . . . hot 'n spicy junkfood over healthy, flavorful organic . . . inlaws from the "Roseanne" show over Ma & Pa Ingalls . . . a "brazen hussy" over "Princess Aurora" . . . and short-lived fame (or rather infamy and notoriety) over a wholesome, happy partnership and marriage. Sadly, choices have consequences, and he's in for some doozies.
I predict future happiness for Tenley with a kind, sweet man who actually does appreciate and adore her . . . and heartburn, humiliation, and hurt for Jake . . . although there is still time for him to come to his senses (i.e., hire a private detective to check out the tabloid stories). It really was painful to watch Chris Harrison trying to make this out to be a happy ending. It was also painful to watch Alli try to rehab her image in the Women Tell All -- suddenly making nice with Vienna, etc. Oh well, I hope she finds her quirky, funny dream guy -- against all reasonable odds, considering the crazies they cast for this show.
I truly cannot fathom their choice to put him on DWTS. I think we have seen enough of him, not to mention having to watch his "baby" (interesting choice of words, wasn't it?) cheering him on. I would actually have been happy for Tenley to be chosen though, or even Gia.
Like you, Lisa, I couldn't bear to watch the whole final episode, figuring what the outcome would be. I started by watching the recording of "The Final Rose," seeing Tenley sitting there crying. Then I just fast-forwarded here and there to the end. I did browse through the final episode just to see both girls meeting the families. Please -- Jake really does deserve what he chose -- and so does the family, who "came around" to see all of Vienna's finer qualities. Except that sweet dad. He deserved Tenley for a daughter-in-law . . .
That's all I've got for now. It has been great "watching" the show with all of you.
Love,
Suz
LUST CONQUERS ALL-Kiki, Lexi, BonBon weigh in
All I can say is that Tenley dodged a bullet. I hope corny Jake falls flat on his face in dancing with the stars. You can bet his mother wont come to see him perform.
I swear I saw glittered dollar sign decals pasted on Vienna's eyelids every time she blinked.
Pardon me while I finish throwing up!
From Alexis:
But Kiki,
He's never had a relationship with that much "heat"! (barf) and besides, Vienna is his "baby". (barf barf barf)I'm sorry - but his family totally saw immediately what we've all seen along with the other girls all season.
I must saw I think I'll have to watch the Bachelorette now.... I loved Ali from the beginning.
Till next season :)Lexi
From Grandma:
Thanks Alexis and Kristen --
I needed something to smile about after watching last night's show -- actually after watching the entire Bachelor season! I feel as if I have been wallowing for weeks in that volcanic mud bath Jake and Vienna found to be "so romantic" and which I find sums up my feelings about their relationship -- and about the whole slimy, sleazy Bachelor Show -- including the catty "Tell All" and the disgusting "Bachelor Reunion" orgy! Ditto barf!
I hope Jake doesn't ruin my interest in Dancing With the Stars! I am not interested in watching the Bachelorette or American Idol this year but I will want to hear your critiques! Keep me on your comments list.
I am already looking forward to the next Olympic Games to begin!
Love, Mom/BonBon
From Lisa:
HAHAHAHAHA!!! Best laughs of the season!! Let's all fly Dad out to the DWTS show and have him give Jake the Flake a friendly "poke in the snot!" And THEN, show him the door by his ear....
I'm with you guys - Ali and Tenley owe Vienna a 'thank you' note. Gia owes her mother a trip to the psyche ward and Chris Harrison is owed a raise.
And please, Mom -- how can you not want to watch Jake on DWTS? I mean, his gratuitous preview of his dancing prowess last night doesn't leave you hanging on the edge for more? (How HORRIBLE was THAT?! That cheesy song with that ancient one-hit-wonder recording artist singing two feet aware from the kissing, giggling, wretch-inducing, non-couple????!! ewwwww!!!)
I can't bear the thought of watching the show anyway - Kate Goselin? Pamela Sue Anderson? Of course, nothing could be worse than that Senator from last year or the Penn & Teller magician. I'm already getting a head ache...
Oh well - let the cringe-fest begin.
PS -- Is there ANYONE out there who is even reMOTEly interested in Jason and Molly's wedding??? I think I'm having the cuticles on my toenails trimmed that night.....
Gag Me
2 months, tops.
yuck.
After the Final Rose -- I sped through all but 2 sentences of Jake's interview before Vienna emerged, which I tuned into in hopes of hearing that he and Vienna had parted ways, only to hear that awful declaration that his never had a relationship with so much "fire" or "heat" - or something like that. I don't remember. I was too busy running for the nearest trash can.
I WILL concede one thing - Vienna's new extensions looked alot better. I'm guessing she's already tapped into Jake's uncontrollable twitterpation (translation: $$) and with the help of the production staff who, now that they have to make her look credible instead of keeping her 'low-rent' look each episode, managed to make her appear somewhat more attractive.
I'm being harsh. I actually found myself not caring at all what happened. Maybe that's because once Gia was gone, we all knew what would happen anyway. The disappointment has worn off already. In truth, thanks to the "coming up" clips from 2 weeks ago and the overload at the tabloid stands, we were basically watching a re-run. Right? Was there one unanticipated moment in the entire 3 hours? Thank HEAVENS for the FF button - my entire investment last night was a mere 23 minutes.
Alright -- Who wants to watch Ali now? I vote we all just watch the Tell All and see the entire season and the finale spoiler in one fell swoop!
Word to the Wise for her future Bachelors -- whatever you do, don't let your dad cry when he meets the Bachelorette (deal breaker!), be as unlikeable and controversial as possible (deal maker!), and make sure that your bosses know to threaten you with unemployment on week 6 (deal taker - you're invited back either way). But, being the last pick for Dancing With The Stars is only offered if you make the tabloids a minimum of 3 times in one week so stir things up. In other words - make yourself a cash cow for ABC. You never know WHAT they've got waiting for you around the next corner!
Monday, February 22, 2010
BALONEY!
There is no way to make sense of this Bachelor drama. The week Ali went home I could only think one word: "Phony!" After last week, again only one word came to mind: "Argh!" I'm glad we have you to keep us interested! I would love to hear from the rest of you, too.
(I still can't figure out how to post on the blog. If you want to contribute my two words you may, Lisa. Exilda would enjoy knowing you were using her name for your password! I love it!)
Meanwhile, the Olympics have my attention! I am in awe of those amazing athletes -- the men and the women! Amazing!
Love to all, Bon Bon
Friday, February 19, 2010
Dad's Gonna Kill Me
That said, in our conversation, he laughed at the blogs posted so far and even though he's not a blogger himself, he enjoyed reading our running commentary. At which point I reminded him that the invitation to our blog is open to the men-folk as well. As near as I can quote he said the following:
- (laughing at the thought) I'm not sure I should put what I'm thinking. I'd like to poke that guy in the snout!
- He said the same thing to every girl on their home town dates like telling them he was falling in love with them and asked every girls' dad if he could marry them, giving them each the indication that he wanted to. [exactly - he didn't need to do that, there's all that time they have to kill on the day of the final rose. A phone call to "papa" could be fit in there some where, right?]
- They eliminate the girl who was involved with people on the staff but they keep a girl like Vienna around who they must have known was involved in all kinds of shady behavior before she got there [which I must say was a very valid point I'd not thought of before - just because half these girls weren't messing around on set for the week or two they were there means they're more "worthy" to hang around and get two-timed on than two-timing Rozlyn? Interesting observation...]
- After reading about who some of these girls are in every day life made his stomach turn and makes him disappointed in the workings of the show all around. Why would they know these things and not reveal them to the Bachelor - drama value aside? Let the guy at least make an informed choice. If Jake has been choosing Vienna after knowing what she did to her husband while he was in Iraq,etc., then I guess he gets what he gets. In Dad's words, "Then I could pick the guy up by his ear and...."
Big smiles in my face from all of this - hopefully yours too! See Dad? You're a blogger after all!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
?????!!!!!!
(This is where you would see my rolled eyes get permanently stuck back in their sockets).
Whatever else you can say about Ali, at least she knows how to look chic-ly haggard. I don't know about you, but what a mistake it would have been to show up at the rose ceremony looking beautiful. The just-ran-3-miles pony-tail and grey-and-pink floral junior-high strappy summer frock combo with matching tan character shoes was far better a choice for your grand exit than, say, a stunning red cap-sleeved, knee-lengthed classic wrap-around dress with matching spike heels and lips that Gia rocked. Makes saying, "Good-bye, you fool" so much easier!!
Argh.
Of course, why didn't I enjoy that episode while I could? This week's show gave me such high-voltage nausea that I am still trying to recover. How can this guy who has the wisdom and class to say, Sorry Ali but you made your choice, be so brainless and clueless as to keep the likes of Queen of the Bayou Bilge Vienna???!!!!! It's impossible! How much are they paying him? Those girls are right -- if Vienna is what he's wanted all along, it's an insult to keep getting roses (go figure THAT one out!) When is Ali going to pull a "Jake" and fly into the Bahamas to give her "there's nothing in it for me but I care so much about you I just have to warn you about Wes" speech before she hangs her head on the railing and weeps? Oh wait -- that's still HIS job. Every episode. Forever....
Blegh.
So - okay. I'm done. Everyone thinks I'm kidding but I'm not. I'm going to record the Tell All on Monday and fast forward to the parts that give the update on Wes and the partying, past-participant losers who will be single until they're 40, if not forever. And then, I'm going to record the Final Rose Episode, wait til it's all over, fast forward to the last frame and Laugh. My. Head OFF!!!
Enough.
My fantasy ending: Ali flies in to show Jake Vienna's white-trash suspenders-only photo in her copy of the locals homemade Hooters calendar. Jake brings in Vienna to confront her with it, Ali glaring and pouting and shooting daggers with her eyes while she pushes her 5 strands of hair back into her pony-tail that she hasn't taken out since leaving the show in memorium of lost love. Jake scolds Vienna, cries tears of disappointment (at the railing outside his room of course), and then dutifully eliminates Tenley on the grounds that, morals aside, there's just no chemistry. Jake thanks Ali for being so noble, sends her to hair and make-up for a touch up before surprising her with a helicopter ride to the local Creole Voodoo Chaman who is waiting to channel a cry-in with Ali's grandma as a thank-you gesture for her self-sacrificing trip to the Caribbean paid for by ABC.
Then Jake, making sure his pooka-shell necklace is visible over his tuxedo collar and tie, proposes to Vienna (who is sobbing because her contacts have sand in them), slaps her on the rear-end with her rose, and in an attempt at SOME kind of variety, takes her back into the hotel where there is a black-and-red velvet reception being hosted in their honor by her dad (who confirms it's his daughter who won by doing a braille read of her face even WITH his high-powered specs on) and the entire Hooters staff back home. As Jake is packing for their return to the States, Vienna steals his wallet, calls Wes, schedules her total facial reconstruction, pre-pays it in full over the phone on Jake's credit card, and takes off in the limo alone with her nasty, drug-store-bottle-blond extensions flapping in the wind to the sounds of a new country song playing in the background that starts out with what sounds like the words, "Love -it don't come easy...."
During the After the Final Rose show, while Jake is repeating to Chris Harrison for the ump-teenth time that he "did what was best for him", a bridal-veil-wearing Michelle bursts in mid-sentence with an ovulation predictor kit and a preacher and, when Jake escapes to the nearest railing, Michelle is announced as the next Bachelorette.
Fade to black.
I don't know why ABC won't hire me.
Happy watching girls. And WRITE BACK!! I have to know I'm not the only whacko out here!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
deja vu?
Ali must think that if she pulls the "I'm gonna get fired" card and leaves that Jake will pick her when she decided to make a dramatic return ... just like Jillian picked Ed.
Monday, February 8, 2010
HEY MEN-FOLK!
Quick response
HAHAHAhahahahahaaa......
Honestly - my dose of morning laughter! You're all hilarious - too many gems to mention but I can't get enough. I love it all -- why didn't we do this before? Thanks for the smiles everyone.
I'm pathetic - I admit it. When it's Friday I'm so happy because it means I'm so much closer to Monday! what does that say about my warped mentality? Oh well, we can all be 'warped' together! And we're only just getting started. American Idol is starting to heat up now and with so many touching human interest stories this season, I'm going to be on the phone all night trying to vote in every cancer-surviving, hick-ville dwelling, gospel-singing, ghetto-fighting, partially-paralyzed, Turret's Syndrome victim, ex-con every known to man!! Gracious - I need to get a life. And waaay more projects to do while sitting in front of a tv! Ah well....bring it on. At least I'm home when the kids get home (and leave and come back again). I think we should pitch a new "Big Idea" to Donny Deutsch - "Reality TV Rehab." Anybody in? : o )
FROM BON-BON:
Thanks Lisa!
I loved reading your Bachelor Blog -- every word! And I enjoyed reading Brooke's analysis of this intriguing show, too. (You share the same talent for writing -- and analyzing.) I have been checking every day since the Roslyn scandal to see what you were all thinking. I began to think the GRANDMA of the family is the only one watching this drama. I have to give the producers credit -- I am one viewer who is hooked and can't wait to see what happens next! I was really liking Corrie. I think she looked really good with him, I liked the way she dressed, thought she was fun, nice, and she won me over when she told Jake she thought saving oneself for marriage is a "gift one takes to the marriage." I was so disappointed that she went home. Now I'm wondering if they are all going home! Who was at his door? How is this going to end!
Lisa, thanks for your instructions for posting something on the Blog. I tried each step but couldn't find a place to type a message. Brooke is coming here tomorrow and she will show me how. I will post my comments if the rest of you will. I love hearing what you all think more than I love the show!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
ditto, woof
I just have to laugh because I never really liked Gia (until the last few episodes) but Zane seriously watched one episode and was sure Gia was "the one", Funny how guys can read other guys, oh and not to mention her occupation reads "swimsuit model"!! He thought Ali was catty and Vienna was hideous and Tenly was cheesy/too perky. Poor Cori - but did they ever even have a moment? No.
Woof.
- Vienna fake crying and caring a lantern (!?!) around that castle.
- Vienna saying "What if I went down to see him?" and Gia saying, "That would be weird."
- Jake saying he definitely had dirty thoughts when Vienna came into his room at the castle, and then when they showed his face when she walked in he looked totally disgusted.
- Jake's cheesey, empty statements like, "I could definitely be falling for this girl" and "I'm ready to just let myself go and fall into love." Barf.
- Jake's turtleneck on his date with Tenley.
- When Ali was like, "Feel my pulse, it just went through the roof." So rude. Vienna was sitting right there. Ali's a brat.
- When Vienna said she wanted marriage to be like teenage puppy love and then she made that crazy noise and grabbed his face and kissed him. Yikes.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Lisa's long take
So here goes - I love Jake. I'm with Ana - I like Jake the Bachelor sooo much more than Jake the Contestant, Jake the Snitch, Jake the "Perfect" loser. After the Bachelorette, I didn't think I could watch a whole season of him. But, he won me over pretty quickly with his list of priorities - God, family, and friends - was it?, "in that order". He's getting even better and better each week. Getting rid of so many so fast and even doing it with a tear in his eye? The guy's good. To top it all off - he finally did reveal a flaw! Jillian - where are you? He keeps "rose-ing" VIENNA!!! I just have one question - which producer is she related to? The only thing that could make her any worse is if she wore a tiara all the time (I could swear those girls are twins).
Anyway, given the rather boring personalities of the remaining girls, if Vienna weren't there, it would be a snooze-fest. Even Ali doesn't have much to say unless it's about Ms. V. Perhaps in a coming "tell all" Jake will reveal his "very specific reasons" for keeping her and "wanting" her to stay. I can think of a few things that would make ME want to keep her and they all have a $ sign in front of them.
Okay - forget her. I am coming out in full favor of Gia. She is my favorite and has been since that one bimbo was eliminated for cheating with staffers. Her first one-on-one sealed the deal - nerd in high school, kids BEFORE 30, adopting Chinese girls and owning a pig, and being willing to leave NYC for Texas? The fact that she almost always has sleeves in her loose-fitting clothes (albeit her dresses get pretty short sometimes) and she doesn't get pulled into the gossip and drama of Ali and Vienna makes her a class act to me. I really liked Ali until she turned catty over Vienna. I loved Tenley for the first couple of weeks when she was first getting acquainted but I keep waiting for her to lower her voice an octave and get out of the perky, 'Nice to meet you' phase. Corey was okay - but slow to move and announcing you're a virgin on this show is like announcing you have leprosy in an emergency room. Or like using the "friend" word the night of a rose ceremony. I mean, Jake having "absolute respect" for that whole thing means essentially, "...and good luck with that." Ashleigh was beyond embarrassing. Ella was too old and, frankly, a little too classy. Valishia - one I was hoping he'd give some more time to - was too mature. My early favorite, Sheila, was too darn pretty, I guess, knew how to dress and wear make-up, didn't drape her legs on his lap or rub his back pockets, and wasn't related to any in the production staff, apparently.
So -- okay, my FAVORITE part of the whole episode this week was the castle.
Favorite moment -- when Vienna declared that she was going to pretend Gia wasn't there and proceeded to "captivate" Jake with such stimulating and seductive conversation about herself and her insecurities that he leaned into Gia while giving Vienna his undivided attention and when Vienna finally took a breath, said, "I'm going to steal Gia for a few minutes if that's okay" and didn't wait for an answer. Followed by Gia immediately making his sentence a compound one by stating that Vienna could have the rest of her salmon. Did it even take those 2 more than 3 seconds to be on their feet and out of there?
Second best moment - hugging both girls before bed and, right in front of Vienna, clinging to Gia and whispering what a great time he'd had.
Corniest moment - "it's okay to fall."
Worst moment -- Vienna pretending to be spooked in her rehearsed foray through a candle-lit cellar and calling out to "Jake - honey." (Good thing there was a commercial break - my wretching took a few moments to get under control).
Second best worst moment -- her pathetic and excruciatingly embarrassing attempt at bedtime seduction.
Most puzzling moment - giving a rose to Vienna ANYWAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!.
I'm with Brooke - I'm exhausted trying to like Jake when I'm so mad at him so often.
Lastly -- I hate "Next week on the Bachelor." Why did I watch it? I rarely do. But, now I'm going to stew all week over what I think they tried to make me think. And if I'm wrong I'll be so mad at them and if I'm right --- I'll be so mad at them!!
Predictions? (spoiler alert if you want to avoid speculation) Gia decides to leave. Vienna is the default over-night date Jake thought he wouldn't have to have because part of why he was keeping her is so he'd have an easy elimination at this point. Tenley will be the too-perfect remaining final choice and Ali will be the next Bachelorette, which I think she's well suited for. More than for Jake's wife. We'll see if I'm right -- although they may bring someone back like they always seem to do now and it might be fair if a girl leaves early. Whatever. He may surprise us all and call Michelle when this is all over!!!
That's it for now. Everybody weigh in - I love your takes on things. Until next Monday...Lisa